Happy Holidays! (take that Christmas, don't you know there is a war against you?)

Happy Holiday's to all my loyal readers! Tis the season for non-stop talk about the war on Christmas!!! This is my favorite part of the Holiday's, watching people like Bill O'Riley and others try and convince the world that their is a vast, PC, multi-cultural war on Christmas, to have it replaced with Analsexmas, or perhaps Earth Day. The fact that the most prevalent, in your face, all consuming Holiday of the year is clearly a Christian holiday is still no match for the dastardly forces of progressivism. So I like to do my part to egg this on, which is why I love the expression Happy Holidays! Contained in this innocent expression of goodwill, the guardians of our Christian Heritage, without whom we would be pagans or gay, see the ultimate assault on Jesus' b-day. ( I am watching the Leafs Game on TSN while writing this and have one question: Whats up with Sarah Orlovsky's mouth? Its......weird). Where was I? Oh yes, Happy Holidays. This is obviously not the natural evolution of language, the result of wasting too much time saying "Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year (and for all our Jewish friends out there, Happy Hanukka(?)" but is a diabolical plan to ensure that everyone forgets that the reason they are off work/school/solitary confinement is because of Christ. The fact that every store is pumping songs with the word Christmas clearly in the title? Not enough. Its all of your fault, for saying Happy Holidays!

So what does this have to do with anything? Nothing really. I know you are all thinking, wait, last week he writes about a concert, this week its not even music related? What has happened to our beloved blog? He's turning into one of those sefl-important bloggers (all of them) who think they are the "new media" and changing the way things are done! Well, your lack of faith in me makes it no surprise that we are back-sliding into some pagan-assfucking celebration of the sun, instead of Christmas. Because this post is about Christmas carols that don't make you want to kill yourself! So Bam!

Rufus Wainwright - "Spotlight on Christmas": This is a solid, rollicking Christmas song that sounds absolutely nothing like a Christmas song. But, not only is it a Christmas Carrol, it even mentions the J-man, his mom and dad, and the whole nativity story. So here is a challenge Bill O'Riley: start playing this song before everyone of your Holiday shows as the ultimate Christmas carrol. Whats that? The artist may be the long prophesied re-born King of the Gays? So Christmas isn't the inclusive holiday that you all say it is? Hmmmm.......*

Eisley- "The Winter Song": Whats so good about this one? It has everything I like about Christmas songs. It sounds mind meltingly depressing, so what more do you want in the holidays? The lyrics are relatively up-beat, commenting on winter etc.., but the music and melody convey the sense of longing that I think most people feel around this time of year. Even if your Christmas is the best ever, there is still always something missing, like the sense of pure joy you had as a child, or a loved one who has passed on. The holidays are about everybody getting together for food, gifts and family, but they also remind you that another year is gone. All Christmas Carols should have a little longing in them.

Rilo Kiley- "Christmas Cake": Or you could listen to this one, which is just straight up depressing. Covers all the Holiday classics: isolation, financial strain, sudden un-employment, and just an all around feeling of misery. But man, is this a pretty song. Also, the lead singer of Rilo Kiley is a young lady named Jenny Lewis who I love, and will probably be writing a little more about later. This is the song that makes you think the perfect holiday gift is eggnogg and a hand gun.

Bing Crosby- "White Christmas": Surprised? The ultimate in sappy Christmas songs? Know how much you would have if you decided to buy the rights to this song? A billion dollars. You gotta respect this mo-fo.

That's all for now, just a couple of Christmas songs (all available from some collection called "Maybe this Christmas too?") that definitely don't get the respect they deserve. Or that most people have never heard of. Whatever, enjoy! Happy Holidays! (I will probably post again before Christmas, or if I am ambitious, I might post about the music I get for Christmas, so keep your ears to the ground, fools)

*Note: when I refer to Rufus Wainwright as the long lost king of the gays, I mean that in the most respectful way possible. If the Lord of the Rings taught me anything, its that a group of people is not complete unless they have a long lost royal bloodline that'll come along and return them to glory. Elton John has been shitting the bed hard for the last few years, so I'm thinking this might be Rufus' time to step up. Or something.